


De rebus culi

by BertholdvonMoosburg



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Also in English, Bath Houses, Crack, Double Penetration, Footnotes, I refer you back to the period accurate tag, Latin, M/M, Period Accurate, Period Typical Attitudes, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Roman AU, Shameless Smut, Smut, Spitroasting, Technically underage, Threesome - M/M/M, Translation Available, What Have I Done
Language: Lingua latina
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-15 23:42:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12331173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BertholdvonMoosburg/pseuds/BertholdvonMoosburg
Summary: Period accurate republic-era Rome AU in which Yuuri and Victor angst about bottoming, and Yuri provides an unexpected solution.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic with a global audience of perhaps five people. I hope the rest of you enjoy it too!

In foro iuxta Curia Cornelia Victor stabant. Dum homines Romanos circa forum concrispavit solum dispicere exspectabat is, qui quotidie emando ac spectandis ludis commeabat et aliquit occultus toga, culus globosus speciosusque viri. Victor sibi ipsas ficas*  desideravit; infelix erat vir non culibonius** propter ficae eorum virum caedere incendat.

Victor ad virum dicere decernebat. Rosas requirebat.

Cum virum pulchrum accedebat, Victor subridebat et prima verba quae cogitabat effutiebat. “Patronus tuus esse possim?”

“Gratias ago,” ait et erubescebat. “Sed tribunus es ac mox quoque ero. Valde autem es formosus. Paterfamilia mea thermeam tenet. Ibi eamus ut longius colloquamur? Nomen Iuurius est.”

Beate, Victor annuebat.

****

Dum ad thermeam devestiebant, Victor furtim quod ficae Iuurii tam magnificae quam suppositus esset verificabat. Iuurii intendandus in tribunatum eum paenitet propter etiam plebs culum praebere neget, si vir civilium rerum peritus se esse velit.

A ficibus Iuurii aspicebat et eum retrorsum intueri inveniebat. Aspectus eiusdem aperte eum aeque sentire indicabat.

Apodyterium exibant et in tepidam aquam inclinabat. Victor sentiebat quasi in caldario iam erat. Iuurii carnis  _ indigebat _ .

De rebus publicis familiisque magnis loquiebantur et Victor sententiam Iuurii movebatur.

Cum ad caldarium movebant, Iuurius aperte corpus Victoris admiratur. Ait “Te diu spectavi et futuere cupivi sed pathicus neque poses neque possum honorabiliter sive viriliter.*** Quid facere est?”

Ante Victor dicere poterat, iuventus flavus in aqua iuxta eos sedebat. Moleste subridebat. “Me futuere ambo potestis.”

 

* * *

 

Victor stood in the forum next to the Senate building. While the Roman people swirled around the square, he waited for a glimpse of one man only. He visited it daily to shop and watch the games. Partially hidden by his toga, the man’s ass was round and appealing. Victor wanted those figs for himself; it was too bad that the man was not a prostitute, because he had an ass to kill for.

Victor decided to speak to the man. He needed flowers. 

When he approached the man, he smiled and blurted out the first words he thought of. “Can I be your patron?” Victor gave him the flowers.

“Thank you,” the man blushed. “But you are a tribune and I will be one soon as well. You are very handsome, though. My father owns a bathhouse. Shall we go there so we can talk further? My name is Iuurius.”

Victor nodded happily.

****

As they undressed at the baths, Victor surreptitiously confirmed that Iuurius’ ass was as magnificent as he’d thought. He regretted that Iuurius intended to become a tribune as even a plebian would refuse to offer his ass if he wanted to be a politician.

He looked up from Iuurius’ ass to find him staring back. His face said plainly that he felt the same.

They left the robing room and lowered themselves into the warm baths. Victor felt like he was already in the steam room. He  _ needed  _ Iuurius.

They talked idly of the politics of the city and the great families of Rome. Victor was impressed by Iuurius’s knowledge.

When they moved to the hot baths, Iuurius admired Victor’s body openly. “I have watched you for many years and want to fuck you, but I know you cannot bottom, and neither can I and keep my honour. What can we do?”

Before Victor could speak, a fair-haired youth sat in the water beside them. He smirked. “You can both fuck  _ me _ .”

 

 

* Figs were a common euphemism for the ass.

**  Literally, “a nice ass” or prostitute.

*** Roman male sexual mores were all about topping versus bottoming. If you stuck your dick in something, that was manly. If someone stuck his dick in you, you were a woman or a slave, or may as well have been, or you were too young to be manly anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

Victor inhiabat.

“Tu es filius Iacobi consulis! Cur ibi es? Quomodo pathicus esse poses?”

“Te porcumque secutus sum quod quam cupestis vides. Anus meus glaber artusque* atque antequam vir omnes verpas quas cupio devorabo.”

Cite Iuurius ait “Privatum apodyterium iuxta caldarium.” Sine verbo alio, duo vires iuventoque ex aqua exibant.

In apodyterium, Iurius filius Iacobi in sedilem Victorem trudebat, ingeniculabat, et hastam cupide diripiebat, et ea incipiebat agitata tumescere. Iuurius labiam eius lambens pone iuventum ingeniculabat.

“Serve,” ait, “Oleum fert!”

Oleo lato, Iuurius digitum in olla tingebat, Iurium eo futuens. Iurius, gemens, in os verpam Victoris fellitabat. Avare membrum devorabat iuventus et Victor in os farciebat dum Iuurius pluribus digitorum pedicabat.

Demum Iuurius membrum oleo unguebat volutabat in culum Iurii languide, qui gemebat circa Victorem et cevebat.** Iuurius armeniacum molle mulcebat. Pedicabat levibus ac fortibus pulsibus. Aspectus eius erat tam pulchrior ut Victor proximior avebat.

Iurius Victorem ligurio, qui respondens de gutture dure farciebat.

Post sufficatio residebat Iurius os suum tergebat et in oculis ardorem acquirebat. “Iunge ipsum.”

“Quid suades?” inquirebat Iuurius sedens.

“Tu quisque alterum futuere cupiebat? Qudni simul me futuestis? Pati poses. Comonete utra tela vestra. Me interfecete.***”

Victor Iuuriusque una voce gemebant. Iuurius servum ferre cervicalem arcessebat et se reclinabat. Iurius se in eo superfigebat subridens. Victor digitos ungebat et scite uno, duobus, trebus in culum illaboratur.

Insuper Iurium ad genua procumbebat et sensim incursebat.

Tres viri gemebant ita valde ut probabiliter in frigidarium audiebant. Tactus verpae Iuurii sibi comprimens supernus est. Iunctim tela defigebat et obscaeni soni e ceventinabiliter iuvento inter eos effundebat.

Victor patrationem caliente sentiebat. Coxae Iuurii citius farciebant ac simul Iurius suum membrum terebat. Fasciae albae ex verpa saliebat sed equitens Iuurium persistebat quoad is exclamabat eius tergum curvabatque.

In silentiam suspirabant.

Demum, Iurius se ex eis eximebat. Stabat cum urina alba**** distillans artu. A servo gausapinam deripiebat. “Huc interdum est. Patrociniam gratias ago.” Et apodyterium exiebat.

Iuurius expirabat.

Victor eum intuebatur.

“Huc quarto decimo quoque die is venit,” ait Iuurius subridens. “Sed culibonus in Suburra***** nomine Minamus qui valde me amat. Pono eum nos accommodare velle.”

 

* * *

 

Victor gaped.

“You are the son of Iacobus, the Consul! What are you doing here? And how can you bottom?”

“I followed you and the pig because I can see what you want. My ass is hairless and tight, and until I am a man I will eat all the cocks I want.”

Iuurius spoke hurriedly. “There is a private robing room off the hot baths.” Without a word, the two men and the youth climbed out of the water.

In the robing room, the son of Iacobus, Iurius, pushed Victor onto a bench. He knelt and grabbed his cock, eagerly stroking it. Iuurius licked his lips and knelt behind him.

“Slave,” he called. “Bring oil!”

When the oil was brought, Iuurius dipped his finger in and fucked Iurius with it. Iurius moaned and sucked Victor’s cock into his mouth. The youth swallowed it greedily and Victor thrust into him as Iuurius fucked more fingers into his ring.

Finally Iuurius slicked his cock with the oil and rocked it slowly into Iurius’ ass, who moaned on Victor and thrust back. Iuurius stroked the smooth apricots of his ass. He fucked him with smooth, strong strokes. His face was so gorgeous in his bliss that Victor longed to be closer.

Iurius did something with his tongue. Victor thrust hard down his throat in reaction.

After the choking subsided, Iurius wiped his mouth and got a gleam in his eye. “Join him.”

“What are you suggesting?” Iuurius asked, stilling.

“You two want to fuck each other, right? Why don't you fuck me at the same time? I can take it. Get both your cocks together. Split me up the middle.”

Victor and Iuurius moaned in tandem. Iuurius summoned the slave for a pillow and laid back. Iurius sunk back onto him with a grin. Victor oiled his fingers and deftly worked one, two, three into his ass.

He knelt over Iurius and impaled him slowly.

The three of them moaned so loudly that it was probably heard in the cold baths. Feeling Iuurius’ cock pressed hard against him was heavenly. They thrust in tandem, and filthy sounds poured from the youth between them.

Victor felt his release hotly. Iuurius’ hips thrust faster and Iurius stroked his own cock in time. White ribbons spurted from his cock but he kept riding Iuurius until he cried out and his back arched.

The three men panted in silence.

Eventually, Iurius extracted himself from between them. He stood, come (urina) dripping down his legs. He grabbed a towel from the slave. “I’m here from time to time. I thank you for your patronage.” And he left the robing room.

Iuurius exhaled.

Victor looked at him.

“He comes here every couple of weeks,” Iuurius said with a smile. “But there’s a prostitute named Minamus in Suburra that’s quite fond of me. I bet he’d be willing to… accommodate us.”

 

 

* Growing hair on your ass made you too old to honourably bottom.

** A male rocking the hips in a specifically effeminate manner during sex. What a verb!

*** Another marvellously succint verb. Also used in the murdery sense. Sometimes both at the same time.

**** It was _shockingly difficult_ to find a word for jizz that wasn’t a euphemism based on pee. WTF Romans!

***** Ancient Rome's red-light district.

**Author's Note:**

> I made extensive use of J.N. Adams' _The Latin Sexual Vocabulary_ (London: Gerlad Duckworth  & Co., 1982) for this fic. What a gift that man gave us.
> 
> If you enjoyed this (or were utterly baffled by it), please leave a comment! Comments are my lifeblood! (If you actually have a correction to my Latin, please let me know!)
> 
> You can find me on tumblr, where I mostly reblog but occasionally post meta and headcanons and fic updates, at [myyoitrashblog](http://www.myyoitrashblog.tumblr.com).


End file.
